As a personal coach, I use pointed and thoughtful questions to help my clients gain more clarity about themselves and to help me better understand my clients and their goals.
I generally ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” so that the client is encouraged to dig deeper and uncover answers they may not have realized previously. Often after I ask a question, a client will say, “I've never thought about that before.”
Once they ponder the question and their feelings about it, it can lead to a profound insight or an “ah ha'' moment. Even in social or casual settings, asking the right questions can stimulate deeper and more interesting discourse. It can set the stage for discovering common interests, developing a more authentic connection, and fostering mutual empathy and understanding. There is an art to asking good questions. No one wants to feel as though they're in a job interview or being grilled for information. A big part of asking questions is listening mindfully to the reply in order to hear beyond the words spoken.
Mindful listening requires watching body language, hearing tone of voice, and being sensitive to what is left unspoken. It also requires asking thoughtful follow-up questions or making reflective or supportive statements. By learning to ask good questions and taking the time and interest to listen mindfully, you are setting the stage for more intimate, fulfilling, and enjoyable relationships.
QUESTIONING MY ELDERLY PARENTs
We care for our parents every day, in the most intimate of ways. But how well do we really know them? Our parents are the most familiar people in the world but also, sometimes, the most mysterious. Who are they as a person? What were they like when they were growing up? What experiences most impacted their lives? What were their hopes and dreams and regrets?
As adults, so many of us don't ask enough about our parents. Yet there's no better way to become closer to a person, even if you've known her all your life. AgingCare.com has gathered a list of questions that our elder care experts and editors would most like to ask their own parents. Try them out for yourself. You might gain a new perspective on your parents and learn something new about yourself.
I wanted my student to know that adding value to someone else wasn't something you simply talked about, thought about, or even wrote about – it is something you do. The idea of adding value is basically helping another person to feel valued, to live out of this sense of being valued, and to be able to pass this sense on to someone else.
---I feel that it is very important to express one self. I, also, am aware that it is very fashionable right now to say and do this. I think many of the maladies facing our patients, whether in the hospital or not, stem from a lack of someone encouraging many of the resident/patients properly and at proper times. They never learned OR were never helped to open up and feel the freedom of acceptance and all that goes with that. Instead...many have lived a life alone and isolated never really experiencing life with a semblance of freedom beyond how they measure up to others. They have never felt what it is like to be themselves. Many have only learned to compete and compare themselves to others, failing to make the grade time-after-time.
---My vision is NOT an overnight change where everything is suddenly fixed. It is more one of starting the ball rolling to change the direction from a negative to a positive. Many who have this need are asked the correct questions to spur them on to jump the next hurdle or to cross the next bridge. They realize that there is a joy to be had from increasing ones self-knowledge and how to just slow things down to find his/hers own pace...does wonders. With this insight it is then realized that living a life as a player in the game far outweighs the opposite. I don't expect failure to stop rearing it's head, but one learns that it is just a part of living and now is much, more okay with it. He/she sees that he/she is making progress in the final outcome and improving his happiness in the process. Be Well.