ABOUT THE BOOK: MINDSET by Carol Dweck

People can learn, change + grow!

CAROL DWECK - KEYNOTE SPEAKER

 

FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVE BEEN READING MY POSTINGS OVER THE YEARS I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER MY POSTS OF CAROL DWECK and her

FIXED + GROWTH MINDSET STUDIES. SHE TEACHES AT STANFORD UNIVERSITY.

3 STRATEGIES TO REGULATE EMOTIONS

 

Dr. Judy Ho

1 - 5 Questions To Draw People Out!

ICE BREAKERs: 1 - 5

---One of the more difficult things that I find to do is to, sometimes, break the ice. I’m sure my own shyness plays right into it. I’ve done some research and found these questions to get things started at those times I can’t think of what to say. I notice that there is an open-ended quality to these questions that leaves plenty of room to expand and continue as one sees fit. Good luck with them if you try them. Remember that the purpose is to get to know someone and to learn more about his/her life!

1. What is your best childhood memory?
This question always makes people smile and often leads to a humorous or poignant exchange about family, travel, holidays and traditions, hopes and dreams, and friendship. You learn a lot about someone when they share aspects of their childhood.

2. If you had a chance for a ‘’do-over’’ in life, what would you do differently?

This question gives insight into a person's state of mind about who they are, their vulnerabilities, and their hopes and dreams. Often sharing regrets or unmet desires opens doors to considering new possibilities or the confidence to make needed change.

3. How did the two of you meet?

This is a great question to ask a couple. Or, you can ask when did you get interested in 'such+such.' Quite often sharing the story draws them together in a mutual happy memory, or just provides a happy memory. It gives them a reason to reconnect and allows you to learn more about their past and how they interact together as a couple, or why this certain thing is his/her hobby?

4. What do you feel most proud of?

This question makes people feel you are really interested in them and who they are. Everyone wants to feel accomplished and proud, and we all want an opportunity to share our successes without looking like a braggart. The answers give you great insight into what the person values most in life.

5. What is your favorite music?

The music we enjoy helps define us and reflects the dreams and attitudes of our generation. What we listen to reflects what speaks to our souls. It reveals who we are and what we believe — in an illuminating and honest way that's often hard to put into words.

Questions 6 - 10 To Ask To Draw People Out

6. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?

This question not only allows you to discuss and share travel experiences, but also it affords insights into the other person's interests, personality, and sense of adventure.

7. If you could only keep five possessions, what would they be?

This question really makes people think. We are so attached to our possessions, but truthfully there are only a few that matter deeply to us. When people are forced to define those few, it gives insight into what they value most.

8. What teacher in school made the most impact on you and why?

Teachers can play a pivotal role in helping us develop a love of learning, discover our life passions, and draw out our innate skills. Sometimes they are people who inspire us or who simply believe in us and want the best for us.

9. What do you want your tombstone to say?

Although this is a morbid question, it does go right to the heart of what we want for ourselves. At the end of our lives, how do we want to be remembered and what legacy do we want to leave?

10. What was one of your most defining moments in life?

This is a great question to invite sharing on a deeper and more vulnerable level. Often defining moments come during profound life transitions like death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during these times we are called to make a huge mental, physical, or emotional shift.

HOW TO BE AT HOME WITH YOURSELF

MASLOW-TYPE THINKING on

HOMELESS vs HOUSELESS

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---I think a distinction has to be made of the two. A ‘’house’’ is a shelter, a structure…built by the hands. A heart builds a ‘’home.’’ A HOME is denoted by that warm, fuzzy, comfortable feeling you get where your significant others have let you know that they understand you...BUT/AND, accept you anyway. The place where you feel wanted, cared for and fulfilled. There is an UNCONDITIONAL feeling going on. The kind of situation that is safe and secure that can be BEST characterized by the knowing that the cake has just been frosted. 

---If you don’t have OR never have had OR don’t have a clue to what I’m referring to…than you have ALWAYs been HOMELESS from my perspective. I know that some relate to this. I know that some DO NOT. In my estimation, those terms have been confused for a very long time.

---What, also, makes things difficult at this point in time is the fact that those who are presently in charge of things have been deprived at an important developmental time in their own lives and a depravity (negativity) has taken over. Though, having much money, it shows that they have been deprived of what is needed for successful give + take relationships. It seems they were never valued properly. They were, also, never appreciated in the correct way. Love, support, security, etc., went haywire in some sense. Money was, probably, used in the place of what is really important! 

---Money and material goods will NEVER successfully replace the intangible benefits that love, etc., provides. Read below the relationship of DEPRIVED + DEPRAVED and see for yourself how it fits. The ''feeling that everything is alright with the world,'' would be replaced with the feeling you get when your significant other lets you know that he/she cares deeply for you or something of that nature.

---HANDs BUILD a HOUSE, but a HEART BUILDs a HOME. If that makes sense, then we are on the same page.

---Some people are more at home with themselves than others are. They bring their home with them everywhere they go. Some (many) do not.

---The more that one knows himself usually designates the degree to which someone is HOMELESS. If someone is truly comfortable with himself, he or she is usually considered to be at home with himself. If he or she is NOT comfortable with him or herself than ‘’Houston, we have a problem…OR, better yet – The HOMELESS PROBLEM.’’

---We somehow think that the solution to the HOMELESS PROBLEM is to build more houses. It is NOT. We have to put those in a HOMELESS MINDSET into a HOME MINDSET if they want to experience what it is like to be at HOME with who they are. In my estimation, the HOMELESS have to be taught what a HOME IS. Maybe, we ALL need a refresher course??

IT WOULD DO US ALL WELL TO MULL THIS OVER A BIT!

---Of course, in MASLOW's way of thinking we have one who has his/her needs met. One who is appreciated and valued. Loved and supported. He's made to feel secure and important and encouraged to achieve. These are essentials to living successfully. The GROWTH MINDSET comes to mind.

CLICK THOUGHTOON!

---When those needs are met, one easily reaches out and is very willing to support and respect others. He/She sees others as friends and allies...NOT enemies. EVERYONE BEING KIND WILL STILL MAKE THINGs BETTER!

HOW TO FEEL AT HOME WITH YOURSELF (CLICK LEFT)

RatPark Addiction and Connection TED

A PATIENT's TENETs

A Patient's Tenets

---1. The idea that to get anything that you really need, one has to begin the process by giving it. This is essentially the Golden Rule. Whatever behavior that you want shown to you usually begins with you showing that behavior to others. Whether it be hate, love, respect, disrespect, etc., if you want others to treat you kindly then it behooves you to treat others kindly. (Biggest mistake is in waiting for others to treat you the way you want...first.)

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---2. Another thing that the patient needs to enjoy living is to be heard and to be taken seriously. Folks must learn how to listen to the resident/patient. They must learn to hear what the resident/patient says. Then he must take him/her seriously. Both are very important and makes a big difference to those who experience this. When this happens for the patient, and he is assured that this has taken place, it frees him to NOT worry about being heard or taken seriously. He will begin to experience more quality in his/her life. His level of enjoyment will skyrocket. Everything will look up. He/she will know himself in a much deeper way, through this process.

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---3. Learning that through the power of YET…one can learn and grow beyond what he/she may have originally thought. One may go from a FIXED MINDSET to a GROWTH MINDSET more easily when one is convinced it may happen. With the knowing of the power of YET, things that aren’t known YET, can now be learned. It is NOW known, through scientific study, that all folks can improve and grow. Understanding effort is the key!

CLICK THOUGHTOONs!

This is a DRAFT and may be added to at anytime... 

A LESSON FOR DR. SWEET

A LESSON FOR

DR. VICTORIA SWEET

and US ALL

---I'd like to speak about something that Dr. Sweet mentions in her book, ''God's Hotel.'' On page 29 in one of the versions of the book she speaks of talking to a Miss Tod. Miss Tod had brain cancer that was still growing behind her right eye. The eye had been removed and her eyelid was sewn shut. Dr. Sweet mentions that she was hard to look at.

---Having gotten used to the physical appearance of Miss Tod, and after exchanging pleasantries...Dr. Sweet looked at Miss Tod and asked if there was anything that she could do for her?

She expected euthanasia, some sort of miracle cure, stronger pain medication or even a second opinion. With all the poise and equanimity Miss Tod asked if there was something Dr. Sweet could do about her food being so bland and a pair of eyeglasses. Dr. Sweet mentions being floored by the response. She helped her with those things. Miss Tod changed wards and lived another 18 months.

WHAT DR. SWEET LEARNED THAT DAY:

---What Dr. Sweet learned that day was priceless from my perspective. From Miss Tod's attitude she learned that ''somehow she accepted her fate, and it was the small things, the little daily things, that were important to her.'' Dr. Sweet goes on to speak of bravery at the core.

IMPORTANT POINT:

--She then mentioned something that floored me. Admitting that many young doctors are very healthy, curious, hardworking, etc. What do they know of misfortune? (A VERY IMPORTANT POINT. DEPICTS A DUALITY THAT EXISTS VERY OFTEN.) And, even when there is no cancer to deal with, the patient still has his needs and preferences. Reread the section about Miss Tod if you've forgotten the story. As I said it's page 29 in my book and lasts about two pages. It is a good lesson for all of us. Be Well.

Dr. Victoria Sweet worked at Laguna Honda Hospital (God's Hotel) for 20 years before she wrote her book ''God's Hotel.'' It is about our old Laguna Honda Hospital.

She was my doctor for the last two years before she wrote the book. She was a fine doctor and a very nice person. And, she is a very good writer. Her books are highly recommended by me and she has won many awards because of them. Pick-up a copy and you will do yourselves a favor. We had a wonderful time together.

Making an IMPATIENT PATIENT...PATIENT!

MEETING or NOT MEETING
Needs!

 

Make an impatient patient...patient!
MEET NEEDS!

Make a patient patient...impatient!
DON’T MEET NEEDS!

Keep a patient patient...patient!
MEET NEEDS!

Keep an impatient patient...impatient!
DON’T MEET NEEDS!

If you don't already know how to get desired results, it has to do with MEETING or NOT MEETING his/her NEEDs. Check to see the results. You'll find your answer very soon. The more wisely the positive reinforcements are used is reflected in the more satisfied experience the patient is having!

The more wisely + regularly the patient's needs are met, the more the patient's patience will rise. The patient just acts better because the patient psychologically feels better.


ACT ACCORDINGLY!

HOSPITAL NOISE

CREATING QUIET HOSPITAL ENVIRONMENT

---A seven page study on the noise at a hospital. I think that reading it without my input would be beneficial. I have spent a great deal of time in a hospital.  My opinion may easily reflect that held by Florence Nightingale.

The IDT or Resident Care Team (Resident Care Conference)

Resident Care Team

IDT

---Here is a picture of ''Your Care Team,'' [IDT], or ''Interdisciplinary Team.'' The team is made up of physicians, nurses, dietitians, activity therapists and other staff. As far as your stay in Laguna Honda Hospital I feel this is the best way to optimize your time while here. It is where the rubber meets the road. Your Care Plan will be developed for you based on your clinical's team assessment of you.

---Your needs + preferences are taken into consideration along with the list of medical needs with which you present. You are allegedly residing in a unit that best meets your clinical needs. Your active participation with your care planning is encouraged, valued and will help make your care plan more effective. Your family or other relations involved in making decisions regarding your care if you have that need, called surrogate decision makers, may also contribute to your care planning. You or you and your surrogate will be notified by your social worker of all quarterly team meetings.

---Your Care Team will meet with you regularly to evaluate your appropriate level of skilled nursing care and clerical needs. If the assigned Care Unit is no longer the optimal place to address your needs, you may be relocated to a more appropriate unit. Your cooperation and input within this process is greatly appreciated.

---I always thought that the following would be a huge-plus to the care of the patient. That would be if someone from your Care Team was assigned to be your ''Go -To'' person. He or she will meet with you on a regular basis until no longer necessary, especially as you begin your stay at LHH. He/she will answer questions and help to orient you to your new surroundings and to keep the tenets of your last Care Team Conference (provided you had one,) going. He or she will keep  your next RCC fresh in your mind. He or she jots down requests or questions that you may have over the course of the three months whose answer needs to come from your Care Team. He or she is responsible for ''how things are going for you...on the unit (and the hospital) overall.'' The ''Go -To'' person is NOT in place as I think it should be.

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN OLD HOSPITAL

THE BETTER YOU KNOW YOUR TEAM or YOUR TEAM KNOWS YOU, THE BETTER WILL BE THE RESULTS.

THE BETTER YOU KNOW YOURSELVES IS THE BEST PLACE TO BE!

GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET IN RELATIONSHIP

10 Ways To Get Your Needs 

Met In Relationship

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Many people don't know how to ask for what they need in their relationships. The trick is to talk about your own feelings. Here are ten non-confrontational methods that will help you get your emotional desires met.

1. If you want your partner to change, get good at making observations. Watch how your partner behaves and be prepared to point that behavior out to your mate in a loving and constructive manner. Blasting someone is not empathetic - it's unkind.

2. Discuss the real behaviors that are affecting your relationship. These need to be delivered without opinions. Discuss what specific behaviors you see that you don’t feel good about. (Example: The other day when I was talking you interrupted me.)

3. Look at how you are feeling. Are you angry, do you feel cheated or let down? If so you need to tell your partner without belittling him or her. If you present your feelings honestly, a person who loves you will naturally do his or her best to make things right.

4. Ask for what you need. Do you want change, understanding or compatibility? Whatever your need asking for it directly will greatly improve your chances of getting it. If your partner doesn't know what you need or if you expect him or her to read your mind no changes can happen.

5. Make a single request. By asking your partner for one specific change you greatly increase the provability of getting your needs met. It's best to state your request in gentle terms like, "In the future would you be willing to…"

6. Actively address the issue or let it go. Stockpiling (continuing to bring up old topics) will not help to heal your issue. State your needs, have a discussion and then make an agreement that you have either gotten what you needed and are willing to move on or agree that you will readdress the problem at another time in the near future.

7. Become more realistic in your expectations. Lowering your expectations is not the same as making them realistic, and you can still have your dreams. It's healthier to have preferences rather than expectations, that way you won't feel as disappointed if your preference isn't met.

8. Tell your partner what you want, not what you don’t want. Be honest, be clear and be kind. By letting your partner know exactly what you want it will make his or her job much easier.

9. Truly value the contribution your partner has made to your life. If someone feels valued he or she will do the best they can to keep your opinion of them high. Reminding your mate that you know your life is better because he or she is in it is very motivational and very loving.

10. Equity versus quality. Balance is key to maintaining an emotionally fit relationship. Even though things may not be exactly as you would like them, feeling that life with your mate is balanced will help you to maintain a loving environment.

Jordan Peterson Leaves the Audience SPEECHLESS | One of the Best Motivat...

MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH

''EXCELLENT''

JORDAN PETERSON

HOW THE WORLD CRISIS PERTAINS TO THE HOSPITAL - 3/27/11

 World Conflict Pertains To Hospital Resident/Patient - 3/27/11

---We find unrest all around the world, at this point. It mostly seems that the individual is asserting himself and the oppressive government where he is located, (Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain and Libya,) is having a difficult time accepting this. They react violently to a non-violent proposal made by the protesters. This was, basically, the same conflict that we always have had. MANKIND'S inability to get along with each other.

----We see that this is, also, showing itself at the hospital. The resident is standing toe-to-toe with the administration, asserting itself as a viable entity…much as the citizens of the oppressed nations around the globe. It is the same as stating that, ‘’we are as mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore.’’ As long as there are two sides, someone will be as ‘’mad as hell,’’ at one-time-or other. Working, together, will help resolve the situation.

---To be more fair, I have to admit to a big improvement that has taken place over the last few years. When I first arrived at the hospital in 2003, the resident and the staff were more like ships that pass in the night. There wasn't much in the way of communication. But, there has been an improvement in the last few years that let's me know that headway is being made. It is a big ship that moves very slowly, at times, while, in-the-meantime, I've been known to try and ''push-the-river.'' Not a very good match in that regard.

---We can learn from our own David and Goliath where we realize that the stoning WILL STOP when they break bread together and see each other as equals. Their has to be an honesty for any two sides anywhere, to come together. Peace will happen when negotiations take place for needs and preferences of those on BOTH sides. This will be the ONLY way that a real peace will take place. There may or not be a lot of compromising on both sides. There has to be an honesty on BOTH SIDES. There is a great need to concenrate on what they have in common AND just not just trying to change their differences so that they line up. Honest Communication is needed.

---The gap exists and the gulf is very wide in some places. The real solution is the same in ALL cases. The truth of the matter is that, ‘’We are all in this together.’’ It is just a matter of realizing that fact. We then work together and weed the garden to make the existing situation a positive one for all concerned. As long as everyone has a different outcome in mind, we tend to experience this chaos. UNITY WILL HAPPEN WHEN WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE. Take Care.

De-INSTITUTIONALIZE HOSPITAL

 

---A Version ''De-INSTITUTIONALIZE HOSPITAL''

VALUES USUALLY GOVERN ATTITUDES + BEHAVIORS

Values Usually Govern

Attitude + Behavior

 

---Our values usually govern our attitudes and behaviors. If we have a value system that sees our fellow man as being part of the family of man that we belong to…one tends to want to see the most for him. ‘’One wants him to be The BEST that he can be.’’

---If we find ourself competing and comparing ourselves with his achievements…we will find ourselves always working on keeping up with the Jones - or whatever ''IN'' EXPRESSION best represents that condition nowadays. It's easy to have jealousy and envy rearing its head in there. We, probably, will spend much time on whatever is trendy as opposed to thinking on our own.

---Values produce attitudes and hence we behave accordingly. As we wrote before - when we don’t like someone, these or this dynamic is what we’re usually referring to. If that person behaved differently he/she would push different buttons in us and we would undoubtedly have a different experience of him. We would probably be responding to whatever different behavior that he is now using in front of us. Be Well!

Scrooge A Christmas Carol 1951 Colour Version Alastair Sim Full Movie

One Can Watch

The full screen version

On YouTube.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL - SCROOGE: full movie above!

ALASTAIR SIM

''A Christmas Carol''

By C. Dickens

---I’m sure that we are all familiar with this story by Charles Dickens. We have the penny pinching Ebenezer Scrooge having very little spirit or love in his heart. He thinks that debtors prison is a good enough place for those who can’t payback loans. He sees death as a way to deal with the surplus population. He is really concerned having less people on the surface (of the Earth) to deal with.

---The night is Christmas Eve. He is visited by the ghost of Jacob Marley, who was once his business partner. Marley warns Scrooge of his miserly ways and how he will regret them in the afterlife. He, also, speaks of three ghosts who will visit Scrooge this night.

---The three ghosts visit named Christmas past, present and future. They take him through periods of his life. It is revealed how Scrooge's miserliness took shape and strengthened overtime. BUT…lo and behold he saw the pain and suffering that he caused over the years, also. This was increasingly painful for him to endure watching.

---He has a change of heart. Scrooge learns a very valuable life-lesson through all this. He asks the wife of his nephew, ''can you forgive a doddering old fool who refused to see?'' He realizes that mending his ways and being more other-oriented Is far more the way to be. He changes from his penny pinching demeanor to loving others and sharing his wealth. He has now opened his heart and you can see the joy and happiness abound. Though this story is quite well known, it is worth another reading or viewing by those so inclined. Be Well.

~~~~~~~~~

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

The THEME

---I’d like to share a theme that I see very often. It is the idea of going from selfish to selfless. I think that you have encountered this many times before…though it may NOT have been recognized.

---The famous book - Silas Marner has it. Old Silas was a miser who’d bury his money until LOVE came into his life in the form of a baby to care for left at his door. A Christmas Carol has the old miser Scrooge penny-pinching his way through life until he sees the error in that lifestyle.

---A baby going through the ‘’terrible two’s’’ encounters much the same. Actually, all rites-of-passage are for this - developing and transitioning into the next phase. If he goes through it properly and develops normally his life will be one of caring and sharing. If NOT a smooth journey than one may get ‘’stuck’’ and find it downright difficult to share. He doesn’t transition from the ‘’me’’ vs. ‘’you’’ to an ‘’us’’ space, easily. He gets stuck in getting his me space satisfied. He is still very self-oriented.

---The downside of this is that he never feels satisfied and never knows when he has had enough. The ‘’ideal’’ would be… ‘’me’’ vs. ‘’you’’ smoothly becoming an ‘’us’’ space. If this doesn’t happen, he is always trying to justify himself as a me. Unfortunately, one is a prime candidate for addiction - trying in vain to fill this emptiness by whatever seems to work. It is usually a ‘’feel good’’ distractor making false promises ’’to fill the void, but never does.’’ Ideally, folks go from me, me, me to us, us, us. When LOVE + KINDNESS of some sort comes into it, the transition occurs. When this doesn’t happen is when we continue the heartaches (the same-old, same-old.) .

CLICK THOUGHTOONs!

5 STAGES of ACCEPTANCE APPLIED to MYSELF!

The ''LEFT-HAND'' Situation

---To state more clearly and to answer why this particular essay is so
important in my own life and why I think it is important to ALL of us. It is an example in my own experience of how one goes from the ''darkness'' into the ''light.'' Well placed Affirmation along the way gave me what I needed to continue. I know that this will work in your life, too!

---I was born with my left-hand missing four fingers. REMEMBER: my missing fingers represent whatever it may be that you, yourself, has yet to accept. Believe me, through much experience, I'll tell you that we are much in the same boat in this! The stages I went through toward Acceptance are very much the same as Kubler-Ross' stages of accepting situations in our lives. She, herself, came upon these as she was looking into how we ''grieve.''

.

---FIVE STAGES---

.
DENIAL - Keeping my hand in my pocket and not letting others or anyone see or experience the real me. It seemed easier, but I wasn't being honest with myself and that is very important.

ANGER - Came about in the form that I should be able to show my hand, but I just couldn't.

BARGAINING - ''If God will grow my fingers than...'' I became a bit irrational at times because it would keep me from having to face the reality of having the missing fingers. This stage taught me much as I could see that I had some growing and learning to do. My ideas of ''God'' greatly matured here.

DESPAIR - I realized that there was NOTHING I could do to change my situation-except Change My Attitude. Growth was happening, Acceptance was taking place, but I felt very helpless. I needed to - TRUST that it was OKAY to be me. I had to let go of the way I thought it was supposed to be, and actually get on with things. It was one of the most painful situations I ever had to face, but it carried great rewards with it. I was closer to being the person I was born to be. It was in this time - frame of my life that I became a serious candidate for joining the Jesuit Priesthood. This was in the late 1970's.
---A word to the wise in all of this. It is a PROCESS and one will HAVE to allow some time to embody what is going on with oneself. Take it slow and don't try to force anything. It is a natural growth process so all we have to do is just be honest with ourselves each step of the journey we are on. We will grow into whatever we are to gain from all this. Be good to yourself and remember...the simpler the better.

ACCEPTANCE - Gradually you find yourself NOT hiding your hand, or whatever it might be, in your ''pocket'' or anywhere else for that matter. In fact, your attitude can turn so much that you forget that at one time it was even an issue. It is the process where suddenly you can see that which you thought to be a ''Curse,'' is really a ''Blessing.'' Be Well.

Most of this was written in 2005 or so!

(Picture By Lauren S.)

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